The happy couple is saying yes to spending the rest of their lives together in the presence of their closest family and friends—but that doesn’t mean you should say yes to everything on their big day, too. Here are a few DON’Ts to live by unless you want to get cut out of every wedding photo ever.
The Office, “Phyllis’ Wedding”
DON’T: Give a toast about how unbelievable it is that so-and-so is getting married, because you just never thought it was going to happen. Remember all those terrible people so-and-so dated? They were so terrible! So-and-so has such terrible judgment! You’re just so happy she finally met someone who probably isn’t going to forget to pick her up from the airport, or total her car and refuse to pay for it. Cheers to the happy couple!
DON’T: Use the “Speak now or forever hold your peace” part of the ceremony as an opportunity to stand up and plug your Kickstarter for that amazing beard balm business you’re trying to get off the ground—no matter how many amazing beards there are on the groom’s side.
DON’T: Forget to give some kind of gift. Sure, your presence at the ceremony is a gift—especially if you traveled to attend the ceremony. But going the extra mile to give your friends something tangible, even if it’s homemade, shows that their marriage means more to you than just an excuse to skip work and hit on some bridesmaids—and it gives the couple something meaningful to hold on to that they can associate with your presence at their big day. If cash is tight, make them a card. It’s so easy that it’s a bummer not to do it. And if you do have the means, hit up their registry and help them start their new life together.
DON’T: Start a conga line. Conga line instigation is Article #1 in wedding guest jerkitude. Even the bride’s 93-year-old grandmother knows better than this.
DON’T: Text your friend to say that you know you RSVP’d to go stag but after a long year of staring at a big fat zero in your Bumble inbox you finally met someone and she totally gets you and you’ve only been together for two weeks but she’s already met your parents over Skype, that’s how special she is, and you can’t stand to be apart even for one day, so is it cool if she comes to your wedding tomorrow? You want her to meet all your friends and she’ll absollutely be the life of the party and also she’s vegan so she won’t be able to eat the chicken or the salmon but she would adore a lentil loaf if the caterers don’t mind. Yeah. Don’t be that guy.